Things That Build Trust in a Relationship

Whether your relationship is just starting out or you've been married for decades, it soon becomes apparent that trust it the single most important currency in a relationship, and it can be one of the hardest things to grow. One of the reasons it is a difficult value to hold onto is because it can be destroyed with a single action. Here are some ways to build trust in a relationship, again or for the first time.

1. Honesty
One of the things another person will look for when deciding if you are trustworthy is personal honesty. They will weigh what you say against what you do and they will also look to see if you are being honest with yourself. If you want to gain someone else's trust, it is a good time to look at the areas of your life you have been avoiding. It is a good time to seek out and confront denial. Many times people will lament, "Why don't you trust me? I'm being honest." What they mean is they are telling the truth to another person at this moment. True honesty deals with how much our inner and outer lives match. Honesty is a quality you develop first with yourself and then with the greater world. If someone is telling you they still can't trust you, both of you need to focus on developing honesty and trust with yourselves before you can share it as a couple.

2. Vulnerability
Confronting denial can be really scary stuff, especially when the other person in the relationship is not offering much of themselves. It can make you feel really vulnerable. Wanting to hide when you feel that vulnerable is understandable. If you want to grow trust with your partner, though, it is time to share those feelings even when they're scary. Especially because they're scary. Being able to say things like "I'm afraid", "I want...", and "I feel..." without expecting the other person to reciprocate transmits genuine trustworthiness.

3. Communication
You might do all this inner work and become a very trustworthy person, but if there is no communication with your partner, there will still be no reason for them to trust you. It is worthwhile to learn how to communicate well. Communication is not simply stating what you want and how you feel, no matter what. It involves listening to the other person, thinking about the way you say things, and having a back-and-forth dialogue with your partner where you each pause, listen, and give feedback before moving on.

4. Mutuality
This step speaks of give and take. You need to give to the other person what you would like in return. It also speaks of having mutual respect. Respect yourself and your partner and expect respect in return. Set boundaries and stick to them. That means doing what you say you will, but it also means not allowing someone to treat you with disrespect. You cannot control someone else's actions, but you can say: this is not okay, and I am going to my room until we can be civil.

5. Affection
Part of building trust is expressing how we feel for each other. Expressing love and genuine affection for someone else lets them know they can trust the words you are saying because you are also expressing genuine affection. Play together, enjoy each other. Building trust is not all serious business. In fact, if you leave lightness out of it, there won't be much reason to grow or save the relationship at all. Play to your strengths. Work with what works, as well as what doesn't. And take your time. Trust will grow when it is ready, and you will both be much stronger for it.


Misha Anatolia is a writer who writes about relationships, weddings, and bridal showers. For more articles or for ideas for bridal shower themes and other bridal shower ideas, visit bridal-showers.org